Righteous Kill

Twenty years ago the mention of Robert De Niro and Al Pacino appearing in a movie together as long time NYPD partners would circulate an enormous amount of buzz and (with full heavy-handed pun intended) “heat”. In present times not much can be expected of the duo, whose best years are clearly behind them. Rumors circulate that De Niro only still acts because he has huge back end profit sharing deals that are allowing him to grow his beloved Tribeca Film Festival to a size that rivals the Sundance/Cannes/Toronto circuit. Pacino may not have an excuse, but neither of these declining stars should be excused for their appearance in John Avnet’s latest by-the-numbers buddy cop drama thriller. When you think of all the buddy cop movie clichés that were popularized in the late 80’s and early 90’s, there was a strict dynamic between Detective X and Detective Y. Here, BOTH partners play the maverick cop who plays by his own rules. There is no foil. Their relationship is all Riggs and no Murtaugh. Do they BOTH pay alimony? Are they BOTH widowers? Are they BOTH recovering/suffering from alcoholism? Is the chief sick of defending BOTH of their rogue ways to the suits downtown? Are they BOTH getting demoted to traffic patrol?

There is a serial killer/vigilante on a spree throughout NYC and longtime partners Turk and Rooster (De Niro and Pacino) are quickly assigned to the case. It is exciting to see both men sharing screen time in many of the opening scenes, but the hammy dialogue quickly erases any iconic value that this may have. As an example, Pacino says something along the lines of, “Don’t you believe in miracles?” To which De Niro replies, “Maybe if you pick up a check, that would be a miracle.” Zing! As the bodies pile up, two other detectives (John Leguizamo and Donny Wahlberg) link a body in their jurisdiction to the same killer that Turk and Rooster have been investigating. The link to all the cases are ridiculous pieces of poetic verse that the killer is leaving behind to let the whole world know that justice has failed the victims of the people he/she has been dispensing with. A skateboarding pimp, a pedophiliac priest, a child killer, a rapist and various other baddies are left with derivations of “roses are red, violets are blue” on their carcasses to justify their deaths. Leguizamo soon begins to believe that the killer is probably someone with a badge and the turmoil within the department is clearly exposed. This leads to an absolutely awful scene between De Niro and Leguizamo who argue about the legitimacy of accusing a cop. Leguizamo: “It’s a cop, it’s a cop, it’s a cop, it’s a cop.” De Niro: “How can you say it’s a cop, it’s a cop, it’s a cop, it’s a cop?” (mocking Leguizamo’s voice and inflection). Pacino just stands in the background with his fingers crossed hoping that his skin can stay stapled on long enough for the director to yell cut. Awful. It turns out that Turk and Rooster have had some sort of tie to all the victims in their past and De Niro quickly becomes the main suspect. The drama fails to build throughout the rest of Act II and it fails to pick up any momentum on the way to the finish line. There are very few techniques used to instill further drama as the film nears its climax. There is an attempt to build some mystery as to who the killer is by using the camera from a first person perspective, but it really only adds to the overall ridiculous structure of the movie. Throughout the film characters are addressed by their first names and nicknames, but now when characters are looking into the camera, addressing the killer, they only address the camera as “Detective”. Brian Dennehy also joins the cast as the Chief, in perfect buddy cop movie cliché form, who is sick of scolding them for their screwball antics and hands out suspensions accordingly. At this point in the movie the audience has to begin to wonder, why haven’t these lawmen fucking retired already? De Niro/Pacino/Dennehy (aged 66, 69, 71) are all eligible to be collecting social security and making healthy contributions to AARP. Why are they still working in a police department? Go sit in an above ground pool in some Long Island suburb. Stop running over catchers at inter-precinct softball games and smell the roses. Where are your gold watches and grandchildren? At this point, who cares?

The premise of this movie is pretty clear. Put Robert De Niro and Al Pacino onscreen together and people will pay to see that. The movie made money, thus making it a success, right? There was obviously no other goal here at all. The film comes to an obvious conclusion, but won’t spoil that for anyone who still hasn’t given up on these two. American moviegoers everywhere should quietly mourn the relevance of these once cherished actors, but they both insist upon tarnishing their legacies. The film isn’t awful because it’s being compared to “The Godfather” and “Taxi Driver”, it’s awful because it’s awful. Bob Dylan still makes great music, Bruce Springsteen can still tear a stadium apart with his live performances, Al Pacino did star in “The Insider”. However, for this film, it would be best to paraphrase Danny Glover from the quintessential buddy cop movie, De Niro and Pacino are waaaaaaay “too old for this shit”.

*1/2

Highlights

Rob Durdek (of "Rob n’ Big" fame) plays a skateboarding pimp whose only job is to get shot in the head and yet he still proves incompetent at being able to do that.

De Niro, 66, runs over John Leguizamo in a softball game while Pacino cheers him on like his girlfriend. Awesome.

Carla Gugino’s boobs. Always.